My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
