I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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