Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
