woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
