i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
