Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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