im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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