Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize