It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
