hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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