At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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