her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
