drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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