how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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