I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I intend to get homeless drunk
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
