Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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