Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
