You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't deserve a penis
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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