my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
