If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
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Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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