TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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