on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
