ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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