I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
