What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
