I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
