I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs