just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
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Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again