I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
