Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.

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  (805): I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals. http://tfl.nu/6f3c
  Replies (48) Good night (3633) Bad night (748)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car

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  (401): yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car http://tfl.nu/wwsk
  Replies (11) Good night (843) Bad night (3352)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great

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  (908): Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great http://tfl.nu/tjsf
  Replies (38) Good night (11114) Bad night (1447)
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  (209): View more from California

  Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

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  (209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/yuzg
  Replies (19) Good night (6504) Bad night (941)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out

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  (304): tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out http://tfl.nu/97pi
  Replies (9) Good night (1195) Bad night (5501)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.

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  (413): You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago. http://tfl.nu/l8io
  Replies (10) Good night (5948) Bad night (1246)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?

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  (623): His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me? http://tfl.nu/w4b8
  Replies (15) Good night (6878) Bad night (1046)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning

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  (414): I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning http://tfl.nu/2xis
  Replies (12) Good night (1988) Bad night (1158)
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  (585): View more from New York

  The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...

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  (585): The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean... http://tfl.nu/ugwg
  Replies (14) Good night (614) Bad night (1429)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.

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  (508): I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking. http://tfl.nu/mdga
  Replies (16) Good night (2131) Bad night (713)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome

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  (507): If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome http://tfl.nu/ndd2
  Replies (4) Good night (841) Bad night (377)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.

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  (313): From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours. http://tfl.nu/36vr
  Replies (4) Good night (885) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?

  (561): View more from Florida

  Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.

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  (954): Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do? (561): Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one. http://tfl.nu/ehu8
  Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.

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  (202): Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels. http://tfl.nu/1sci
  Replies (5) Good night (1261) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo

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  (518): We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo http://tfl.nu/l3yn
  Replies (3) Good night (242) Bad night (646)

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