Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

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  (423): I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk http://tfl.nu/ntyc
  Replies (18) Good night (2484) Bad night (1517)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.

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  (401): i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much. http://tfl.nu/qwgv
  Replies (17) Good night (3812) Bad night (596)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.

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  (612): I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills. http://tfl.nu/7aj5
  Replies (52) Good night (6456) Bad night (3476)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary

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  (204): I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary http://tfl.nu/rsxr
  Replies (5) Good night (2341) Bad night (1116)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.

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  (304): He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE. http://tfl.nu/ltby
  Replies (27) Good night (975) Bad night (3234)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.

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  (912): Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here. http://tfl.nu/xdo1
  Replies (9) Good night (2278) Bad night (956)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.

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  (512): Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college. (512): Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good. http://tfl.nu/chyc
  Replies (10) Good night (1472) Bad night (920)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to

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  (865): if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to http://tfl.nu/lehr
  Replies (8) Good night (1417) Bad night (535)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.

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  (970): I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed. http://tfl.nu/hmgx
  Replies (10) Good night (498) Bad night (1449)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before

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  (615): I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before http://tfl.nu/iyr5
  Replies (0) Good night (534) Bad night (569)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.

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  (610): Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol. http://tfl.nu/y192
  Replies (1) Good night (1449) Bad night (374)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...

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  (207): I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor... http://tfl.nu/nzpk
  Replies (2) Good night (785) Bad night (474)
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  (209): View more from California

  The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult

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  (209): The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult http://tfl.nu/bmm8
  Replies (2) Good night (524) Bad night (350)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.

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  (804): I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together. http://tfl.nu/pd1t
  Replies (2) Good night (567) Bad night (281)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

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  (406): WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA http://tfl.nu/iwiz
  Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (200)

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