Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old