Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
