Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
