You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
