Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
