I think i peed on brittanys purse
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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