I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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