2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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