remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
