hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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