Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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