the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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