I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
