first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
