What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
