too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
