He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
