Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
