peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
