i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
