why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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