dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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