Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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