he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
