Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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