THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
