entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
