Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
