you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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