JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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