I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
