i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize